Doing the work: Creating compassion for contrast

 
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Before starting the meditation, grab a journal and pen. Ask yourself the following questions:

“Where in my life do I feel unresolved hurt, pain, or resentment?

Are there moments I felt shame or embarrassment?

Do I have any regrets? If so, what are they?

When did I take on any limiting beliefs and start believing the lies that I was less-than f*cking amazing?

For me, when I was doing the Ra Ma Da Sa meditation, more memories of hurt and shame and embarrassment, or even just feeling like I really had to stand up for myself, started flooding in that I had washed over and forgotten about.

There was the time in 3rd grade, where I was too scared to ask the teacher to go to the bathroom during class, and ended up peeing my pants. (She had a strict, no going to the bathroom rule.) I marched into the laundry room fresh off the school bus, a mere 4 hours later, peeled off pee-soaked turquoise shorts and put them in the hamper. How sad! I remember being so ashamed I didn’t even tell my parents until I was 30!

Then there was the time in 5th grade at Christian School, where the teachers adamantly expressed to me and my parents that I had received good grades in Bible class because I tried harder than other kids, but I certainly wasn’t smarter. WTF. We transferred schools mid-school year.

My junior year in high school, the track coach called my dad and told him he needed to start preparing me for marriage, and that my track days were fun and all but my papa bear needed to reign me in and start making me act like a lady. It wasn’t fair to the boys that I was better than them. (Pretty sure my dad turned beet red with anger at this boundary-crossing Bible thumper.)

I’ve had male coaches chew me out for breaking national records as a 17 year old pole vaulter because some how, I embarrassed their 50 some year old selves in my physical feats and accomplishments. Sure dude.

I launched several years of an unhealthy food relationship in college after a coach told me to “lose 20 pounds by August 15th,” which was, by the way, 10 weeks away. For the record, I did lose that weight, and a whole lot of self-confidence and autonomy with it.

My track career was shattered when I told my coach my shoulder was going to go if I did one more handstand push up after a week of 3-a-day practices, and he looked at me and said, “You don’t know what it’s like to work hard.” I was out to show him I did, and my shoulder…yeah, it went. And it took out my career, and stripped my identity.

I could go on and on, but you get the point. There are so many subconscious times in our lives where we were left wounded, in flight mode, felt shame or resentment, or just plain forgot the essence of who we were and started believing lies others told us or we picked up on ourselves.

SO….

Jot all these down for past self. I recommend starting with the most recent events and going back in time each year of your life to remember anything significant. I start with now, and healing any insecurities or wounds I have from feeling inadequate as a mother, or not doing my marriage justice, and not being able to keep up with life in general.

And also, be easy on yourself, this process is meant to activate your compassion towards yourself and all previous versions of you. According to Abraham-Hicks, life brings you contrast in the form of experience so you can choose and consciously create your life. In other words, everything is happening for you, not to you, so see each of these memories as an opportunity to create from and not a burden that you’ve taken on.

“When you understand the value of contrast, then you don’t leave your Inner Being, who always understands the value of contrast.
So then, contrast doesn’t feel like negative emotion.
It doesn’t feel like defeat- it feels like opportunity.
It doesn’t feel like confusion - It feels like clarity.
It doesn’t feel like something has gone wrong - it feels like everything has gone right.

— ABRAHAM HICKS

 
Diana Luable