The Tearful Truth of Staying Busy
If you recall, I spoke about my addiction to busy during the Pisces new moon last month in a FB Video. As a Pisces sign, the new moon in Pisces really brought some uncomfortable realizations as to why I keep myself so busy. On the surface, I have kept myself busy because mom life is hard and it’s hard to feel productive. (hello masculine energy!) So, no surprise I keep myself busy checking things of my self-made to-do list. But there’s more. What was really behind this need to stay busy? What is it that keeps me checking my work email 24/7von all 3 accounts, hurriedly texting friends and colleagues at every random thought related to getting something done, and finding every reason to keep that vata dosha (wind) energy activated in my body and mind at all times?
Well, if you know me personally or have followed my work for awhile, you know I had to dig deeper.
After hitting the meditation cushion one night and posing this question to the divine feminine (my go-to homegirl is Mother Mary, btw), I realized that underneath the busy is a deep layer of unworthiness. Ouch.
Mamas. I have the hardest time being still and staying present with my kids. It makes me so uncomfortable to disconnect from #adultlife and let myself be carried away by youthful imagination. But why? There is so much beauty in slowing down and rediscovering life through the eyes of the child. There is magic in the way the child develops and finds delight in the world, yet I struggle to enjoy it in the moment.
Why is this so hard? I know I am not alone here.
Here’s my truth - We women have been taught that we must do it all. We must be mom bosses and pinterest mamas simultaneously. We have been taught that to be a stay at home mom isn’t enough, and we judge stay at home moms for not “wanting” more.
We have been taught that being a working mom means we aren’t there enough for our kids and are missing all the precious little moments (hello #momguilt).
We have been taught that success in motherhood looks like a resume full of work accomplishments, instagram pics of our perfectly modernized and Konmari’d home, home cooked organic meals for the family that resemble animals and symbols so your kid will eat all 5 colors of the rainbow…YOU GALS! It’s too much.
This bombardment created an underlying belief in my own life that I wasn’t worthy of enjoying motherhood. There’s more to unpack here, but for now….that old way of linear thinking, the one where you set those goals and check them off the list, had me thinking this way:
First, I must have the house clean, the dog fed, the taxes done, my business successful, my other business successful, and my underwear drawer square-folded and color- coordinated before I can be still and present with my kids. Is that true?
This is bullshit, and literally brought tears to my eyes when I realized all the amazing precious moments I haven’t allowed myself to take into my experience because I was busy thinking I needed to be someone else or accomplish just one more thing before settling into mom mode..
Here’s my plea: All Mothers are worthy of enjoying motherhood. It’s our divine right. We have earned it by simply choosing to be mothers in this lifetime. Click on my recent post below for more on this topic.
As I work though this in my own life, I know that this belief is carried in the collective consciousness of all mothers at this time. We are in this together, so let’s rise above it!