How my Full Moon release led to ugly-cry mantra chanting
Three weeks ago, I was leading a monthly Full Moon circle where each woman has the opportunity to speak and release anything that is showing up in her life (usually in the form of resistance). While she speaks, no one is permitted to cross talk, offer advice, or anything of that matter. We simply listen with our ears and validate her with our eyes.
When it was my time to have the room. I had a longgggg list of things I needed to let go of, and honestly, I cut my air time short! But that night, the one thing I HAD to release was the fear I carry around sharing my truth. Over the past few years, I have made it a priority to move past my fear of sharing ME, all of me. I thought I had conquered this, but see, Alabama' had just happened earlier in the week. When I first saw the new total abortion ban, my immediate reaction was that it was NOT okay. I hopped on Instagram to share some posts and support women’s reproductive rights. In my opinion (opinion, yes), these rights are necessary, no questions asked. Although I was appalled by the total abortion ban, I was even more appalled by the hatred exchanged between “pro-life” and “pro-choice” friends all over social media. (Side note with my opinion: These issues are not black and white; they are meant to be an evolving discussion. For the record, I also cringe at legalized third trimester abortion - i’m telling you - this topic is REALLY REALLY HARD and should continue to be discussed with medical freedom at the forefront).
It was hurting me so deeply that good people, with differing opinions, were allowing so much hate to creep in. For myself, I found my deeply held fears I had around speaking my truth had reared their thick unibrow again. I became afraid of sharing my own beliefs around women’s reproductive rights for fear I would be misunderstood, disliked, or judged. I even had some people unfollow me on instagram for posting “My Body, My Choice.”
So that night, I asked to release that fear. A few more days went by with anger and resentment pulsing at my skin before my monthly cranial sacral therapy appointment. As I was riffing to my therapist about feeling helpless during these crazy times and feeling alone in my philosophies, she abruptly stopped me.
“Now hold on there. Look. I feel very strongly about this…” First, she reminded me that i wasn’t alone in my thoughts and feelings, that there were others like herself. Then she reminded me about the power of prayer and meditation. She reminded me that we can have an impact on the world sitting all by ourselves in prayer and meditation. She reminded me that activism doesn’t really have to be a fight. She reminded me that the most powerful stance I can take is one of love.
In that moment, I was incredibly resistant, still hungover from a week of fear-based thinking and its sister, anxiety. But the very next day, as I was driving to work, I played a 20 minute heart-opening mantra that broke me wide open and let Source pour back in. I chanted loudly and allowed myself to feel intensely into the heart center. I cried, I sobbed through the mantra with my 2 year old sitting in confusion in her carseat…and I Just…Kept…Going.
In that moment, I remembered that light is greater than dark, and we actually can change the course of history when we use unconditional love as the catalyst. Remember Elsa and Frozen? Love will thaw..
I’ve recommitted to daily meditation and continuing to practice opening up my heart space for the divine work to flow to and through me. When I feel attacked, or when I come across opposing views, I simply go back to my heart space and breathe. I breathe in love and compassion for myself, and I send it back to whomever I was triggered by. We really are all one.
When we allow it, we are the vessel for nothing but truth. To access our authentic truth, we need to choose love.
Click the image below to view a recent IG video on choosing love over fear.