Mamas Mental Health Podcast
Hi I'm Carrie Crane and this is Mama's Mental Health. The podcast that educates inspires and validates you on your motherhood and mental health journey. I'm so glad you're here today.
Today I am joined by Kira Malone who is a maternal wellness coach, who believe that all mothers can come to recognize their innate wisdom to thrive physically, emotionally and spiritually in the process, creating thriving families. She is a recovering over newer and a former people pleaser, who values the art of being and the power of authenticity in order to create a life of purpose, passion, joy and abundance. Welcome, Kira.
Thank you for having me. I'm so glad you're here today. So the thing that first made me think we should do an interview was a post of yours on Instagram. I can't even say the word. It was a post of yours on Instagram that said, mothers are worthy of enjoying motherhood. And that hit me so hard, because I don't know if I had ever really thought of it that way. I think as moms, we are so focused on getting the job done, that we often don't think about, am I enjoying this? What are your thoughts?
That was my own experience. And it's an experience of the women that I work with. And a lot of mothers that I know personally and there's, this idea that we have to be doing doing doing so much to be, let's just say a word worthy. And in the mix, we're forgetting to actually live our lives and enjoy the moments that we have with our kids and enjoy who we really are as women as mothers. And yeah, there's always so much to do, that we're trying to be productive with, whether it has to do with our work lives, our family lives, schlepping kids around feeding our children. And for me, I found that I was just so confused. As a new mother, I was doing all the things to be a good mom and yet, I felt really unfulfilled and unhappy and confused and I just couldn't figure out who I was. And over the course of the last five and a half, six years now, and really have tried to dive into those feelings and figure out where it was coming from. And the more work that I've done to heal myself in the postpartum period, which I described as anytime after a woman has ever had a pregnancy, even we are forever postpartum. There's some, that's a whole different topic. But a lot of people just associate postpartum with immediate time period. And this is something that is really forever for us, mothers. And I been really trying to figure out well, what is really the root, what is the root cause that's keeping me from really enjoying my experience with my kids. I'm there, I'm physically present, I'm doing everything, I'm working my butt off, trying to be everything for everyone, including myself. And it hit me one day in a meditation that the root of all this was this feeling that I wasn't worthy of just enjoying motherhood, at the essence of motherhood, our divine right to bear children to have children to create families. And, yeah, it was really. When that post those words came to me during the meditation, I got chills in my body and that's how I know that that's my truth coming through. So I thought, Okay, I have this long held belief that I'm not worthy of enjoying this time, unless there's an asterisk of all these other things that I'm doing to be productive and worthy in society. And I realized that with my story. So I put that post out there and it got a lot of really great feedback because I believe that this truth resonates in every mother. It's like, oh, yeah, yes, I'm worthy of having fun, I'm worthy of having passions and feeling good and enjoying my kids. There's nothing that drives me more crazy than a new mother being told, "Oh, I know, it's hard this time will pass it goes by fast" And for me, I'd kept thinking, Well, I know that but I want to enjoy it so that I don't have regrets later on in life about not embracing this time with my kids. And that has been a ... that's been a journey for me. It was not an overnight transition from ... Yes, I'm worthy, I'm going to have fun now. It's been part of a process and that process is something that I take mothers through as well, so that we can really come into our own and own motherhood, own it.
I love that. I think for me at the beginning, I kind of thought, we always imagined having a big family having lots of kids. And so having one child didn't seem like I was there yet. It seems like, I was just kind of, this was like, just the very beginning, it wasn't like the real deal yet, once I have a lot of kids, then I will be the mother that I want to be. And also the perfectionism, just having all these list of this list of things that I need to do and I need to do them perfectly. And if I don't do them perfectly, and if I don't get them all done, then I'm not a good mom. And really denying myself the ability to feel fulfilled. And to feel positive about my mothering experience. It was just, night after night of going to bed feeling defeated. Yes. And huge word.
And it's taken me a lot of years to get to the point where I am thinking about, like, well, how can I enjoy this, what's going to be fun for them, and what's going to be fun for me. I don't have to do something that's fun for them, but I hate and we can do the everyday stuff in a way that we all enjoy.
One thing that's really powerful is there's so many things to do with kids, but a lot of mothers are dragging themselves to do them. And I described myself as a former mommy martyr. I was really guilty of martyring myself in early motherhood. And I recognize that now. I recognized her a few years ago and worked really hard to shift my mentality around it. But that was really that's the root is feeling like you have to be doing all these things for the sake of your children's experience, whether it's their brain development into their emotional development, and I was trying to be an attachment parent, which I consider myself now, a recovering attachment parent. That's a different conversation too but just trying to really throw myself into giving my kid exactly what they needed all the time and I was reading parenting books and trying to embody what these books were telling me I needed to do for my child's well being. And I had a very, my firstborn is very sensitive. I remember buying a book, I forget the total, the exact title, but it was something like how to raise kids who are more sensitive, more emotional, more this more that? Yeah. So I have all these books, I think I probably had 15 or more parenting books, reading advice. And at the end of the day, nothing was really working and what I realized my kid needed more than anything, any specific parenting philosophies, strategy, disciplinary structure, what they needed more than anything was me. And I was not giving them me because I was too busy trying to figure out who I was supposed to be as a mother. And once I made that shift of figuring out that what what was missing was myself from the equation, and I'm a firm believer that -- just spiritually, I believe that our children choose us in this lifetime. And we really are the best mothers for our children. For a while, I held that belief, but I wasn't embodying it, and instead was trying to find the answers outside of myself. And once I really decided, I was going to find my way, as a mother, my way not anyone elses way, not the preschool teachers way or the pediatricians way or whatever any outside influence, I was going to find my way. And is when I had huge shifts in my own happiness and which translated of course, to the happiness of our overall family unit, and so on from there really understanding that we have to find our own way for our families to flourish.
And what did that journey look like for you? What was ... what turned out to be your way?
It's long and it's ongoing, but it's empowering. So in the beginning with my first child, she was a very difficult baby, I see now that she really was incredibly sensitive now that I have another child and can see the difference between the two from the moment they were born, their birth from everything. And I beat myself up a lot about not being able to know what was best for my oldest child when she was a baby, it was like cause I was just trying so hard. And I remember thinking, well, if I am finding this so hard, that there has to be a reason that I'm going through this. And you have to understand that for my entire life. I've been hugely successful from kind of a masculine point of view. So linear thinking is like, set a goal work your buns off equals achieve the goal. And that has worked for me through school, it had worked for me and very successful athletics career, and it worked for me getting out of college and paving my way in my career after college. And it became a mother and it didn't work at all, like not at all. I mean, I was that person who wanted to write a list and check stuff off. And I you cannot do that with a new baby so I was really struggling. And I kept thinking now if I've, if I've been successful my whole life, and yet here I am failing as a mother, just feeling like I was failing. There has to be a reason for this. And I knew that because of that, that somehow there was a purpose in my life that was going to be tied to helping others but first, I had to figure it out for myself.
So I made that realization, but again, still hadn't quite embodied that in my own life yet. So I hadn't figured out quite how to embody that it was almost as if I had I described it as my soul, was kind of bursting at the seams of my skin but it couldn't, it felt trapped, I couldn't release it into the world. There was something holding me back and still struggling through early parenting with my firstborn. And we decided it was time to grow our family and we struggled with that and we suffered few miscarriages in between the girls. And again, I kept thinking, Okay, what is the reason for this, I thought that I was on a healing path, but if I'm having this experience, for me, everything, again, is spiritual. And I realized that I still was really kind of living this life where I felt like I was having to push and do and fight for everything, instead of just kind of open up into the process.
Right. And yeah, and so this was it's just been ongoing from the beginning recognition of 'Okay, this is not working for me' to 'Okay I now I see this, but I want to shift it'. And it didn't shift right away. And at this point, I realized that I had truly been self sacrificing too much in motherhood and not doing enough to take care of myself. Is was bending over backwards for my clients and my family and drowning on my own term. Right. And I started looking around trying to figure out how other people were taking care of themselves, you have some very successful clients and they're obviously very busy but they work out every day and they find time for themselves. So I started, my oldest daughter was going to preschool at the age of two and as soon as she was old enough to do that, I thought Okay, I'm going to drop her off and I'm going to make sure that I'm going to yoga class and doing things for myself. And I did. And started to feel a little bit better and kind of go through this period of 'Okay, now I'm understanding I need self care'. So took care of myself eventually got pregnant with my second daughter and had a successful pregnancy and a really beautiful VBAC birth, which was just magnificent. And I thought, Okay I have arrived, I had the most amazing birth spiritual experience. It was amazing. I feel so empowered. I surrendered completely. I have arrived. I've healed Yeah, how I thought about it. And I felt great after I had her in comparison to my caesarian birth. So everyone thought 'Wow you look great, everything's great'.
And then within eight weeks postpartum from my second child being born, I completely I had completely crashed. And I very much remember the day where I drove both my kids at the time eight weeks old, and three and a half years old, up to an hour away to go to the My final postnatal checkup with the midwife and sat down on the couch, she took one look at me and my eyes just started welling up in tears. And I couldn't even say a word I just started crying, I had been trying so hard to keep it together. And I got there and she looked at me and I _____ on, she just goes 'Oh honey just like we need to do something about your at high risk for postpartum depression’. And I'm thinking what I've been trying to do everything for myself. I have a beautiful birth and I was going to hot yoga twice a week, and I was drinking the green juice and I was doing all the things that I was I thought was self care. And I found out that was actually not really self care at that for that time period of my life. But I had crashed and I just, it was really painful because I knew in that moment, I couldn't fight what she was telling me anymore. And I just had to surrender into it.
It was so hard for me I had these two babies, two children and and a mom who was now on the brink of being diagnosed with PPD. I drove home sobbing called my friend, called my husband, this is what the midwife is saying, I don't understand. And then there's this weird stigma around depression, thinking that if people know you're depressed, you can never be happy. So there's just this weird experience with that. But I had kind of no place to go, but surrender into it. And I began -- really that day is when I really began my healing journey, kind of all the work I did prior led me up, led me to that moment where I really just fall apart. And trust that things were going to get better, but they had to get worse first, right? And yeah, and just kind of kept, I've kept going ever since. And for a while it got worse, it did get worse before it got better. And I kind of wish that I had just kind of kept holding my stuff together and pretending everything was fine. But what I realized through all of that is for me the things, IDs and the depression and all that were really just signs from my spirit telling me that I needed to let go and allow myself to be changed by motherhood.
Yeah, that was another spot. That was another big like a moment. Like, okay I've been fighting this and so we have to kind of look at our culture's and see that going back to the first post that prompted this phone call, how we're worthy of enjoying motherhood, and then my own experience of feeling like I have to let myself be changed by motherhood. Unfortunately, our culture sort of praises mothers who have not been changed by motherhood. Right? Yeah. And it's like this thing like, oh, but she's still working. And would never even know, she hasn't changed at all. And I realized I was kind of out to prove that I hadn't been changed. Having a mom. And I could no longer fight that I had to allow myself to be changed and go with the ride. So I began there and surrendered into kind of a healing journey, which I kind of painfully had to lead myself. Because once you get to this place of "Okay, well I need support and I need help. You realize that the only person who can really help you as you. So that was the whole different that was the 'Whoa, I finally got to this place of surrender I need some help. I don't know how to get it. And yet I need to figure out how to heal. So I just started with little baby steps, which were incredibly hard. Looking back, it was it was really personal, kind of introverted experience. And I felt rather broken. And I found it really difficult to try to heal myself and from a place that I was at with also being fully responsible for my children and my work. Yeah. It's not like you don't have anything else going on. Oh, yeah. And I and then that I kept thinking, Okay, now I see how some moms like take off to some Special Recovery Center to just focused on themselves. Like, I never understood that before. Now, I know I do, just to get away to just start repairing. But yeah, I started there and I met my first call, after the meeting with a midwife and talking to my husband was our family practitioner who specializes in functional medicine. And she immediately said, 'Oh, honey, just come in here and we need to do some labs, I'm sure it's hormones, you're probably depleted. Don't freak out about the depression thing just called common. So I showed up, I got all this blood work done. And I was so nervous to hear what was "wrong with me". And she brought me into her office. And she just said, 'Look I can, yeah, your hormones are off but they're going to be off, you're breastfeeding of the baby. And the number one thing you need to get is sleep. I'm like "okkkay". And I was kind of mad, because I thought I've been telling my husband this whole time I need sleep. And he's just looking at me like, "Yeah, I know but I don't know how to give that to you. Oh, I was thinking I just had to go through this big emotional to do for sleep. But it was it was good because she was able to tell him like, "Yeah, no she really needs sleep. Let's prioritize this". And so we started there, we started with sleep and functional nutrition, and to just help balance my body back and start building my energy again. And once I could kind of put the building blocks back together in my body energetically, then I was able to spend some more of my own energy, healing other aspects of my motherhood experience and I'll call it my life because it's my life.
And I would say it took about three months to feel like my brain was back to being my own. And it took about a year for a full healing journey on my own part. And after that year, I sat down and I wrote out exactly all of the things that I did that helped me really own motherhood and feel good. And I placed those on a chart to match with the shocker energy system, which is something that I work with as a Tantric Yoga Practitioner. And have been working with my whole life was my mom introduced me to the subtle energies in the bodies when I was really young, with little meditations and things. And so I took the top 12 things that I felt had really helped me become a mother my way, and heal and enjoy my experience and match them with this chakra system, which is there's seven major energy centers in the body. And I thought, 'wow I have something here, this is really beautiful'. And the progression of the healing process is very natural when you approach it from this system. So that's really, that's what I took myself through was really starting with the foundation and having to surrender and then kind of peeling away layer upon layer as things showed up in my life. And then when I really felt like I was really, truly healed, and I was able to write all that down and see that there was, there really was a system behind everything that I was doing but I had to do it all on my own. There was no one guiding me through this process, right. And I realized, 'aha! five years ago I knew that I wanted to help moms in some way, shape or form. And I didn't know how yet and then now, here it was, this is my blueprint for helping mothers.
And that's become something that I continue to work on within myself. Every day as things come up for me, I still go back to that, I'll still go back to those practices. But usually, it's been a combination of functional news, nutrition, mindfulness, meditation, self care, and a completely different form of self care. Not just like getting to the gym and getting your hair done, not at all, that's not nourishing, so going back to how to nourish ourselves. Going back to how to set boundaries with our loved ones, co workers, other people, sending energetic boundaries, and learning how to communicate our needs has been huge. Finding passions, finding ways to really enjoy our lives that really are how we want to live. And there's so many things that go into this journey but when you look at it from a holistic perspective it all makes sense. And it comes it's very feminine energy it's not a linear way of thinking of like, do this then achieve that, it's all these different aspects and energies coming in that create the real the whole woman. The mother embodied and that's been my journey and now my purpose in life to help other women do the same.
Well, I love how thoughtful you were about every step along the way. I think so many of us, we encounter these hard things and we kind of shy away from them. And we use various numbing behaviors to just kind of ignore it and shut all of that out. And I love that you just looked at right in the face and said Okay, what do we need to do here? And it sounds like you really didn't engage in those kind of numbing behaviors. You confronted the problems and you really processed everything as it came up.
Yes, I had to have it be that way and I'm I am a Pisces sun sign, we are actually quite prone to addictive behaviors and it's a form of escapism that is associated with a lower vibration of the Pisces sign. And so I am very aware when those habits come up for me and it could be through being on your phone too much. It doesn't necessarily have to be like alcohol or right or numbing things that we think of, it could just be turning on the TV, it could be scrolling on Instagram, it could be weird online shopping behaviors of anything. And I've found tendencies to do that within myself, where if I was feeling really unfulfilled, I would like spend hours just like scrolling online and like adding things to my shopping cart. Like, what am I doing? Yeah. And then a little bit of a of a tidbit to is my professional background. I'm actually a winemaker and so there's a whole culture where we live being in the wine industry, living in a wine community, my husband is a wine grower. There's alcohol everywhere. And it's very normalized. It's something that actually a lot of friends that a lot of my friends now I actually had gone to college with and we've all known each other for years. And we've been having these conversations because we were in the wine industry, we started having them in their 20s going way is this amount that we're drinking normal. But we're in the industry and we're professional. Yeah. Because you'd show up to a barbecue and there would just be like 30 bottles of wine on the table and everyone's trying them and drinking them and having a good time. And when I went through my experience after my second daughter was born, Magnolia, I realized that I needed to cut out all possible numbing devices of any sort, and just feel all the feelings that were coming up for me. And I gave up drinking, and I also gave up caffeine, which was a huge deal for me. The coffee was harder than the wine, I'll tell you that. I just had to be with it because the caffeine was producing a lot of extra energy that was making me angry and irritable. Yeah, I'm very found that I'm very sensitive to it and for me, the PPD, it really manifested with a lot of anger. Oh, my goodness, and no one talks about that. I was screaming at my three year old, and it was so hard. And yeah, I remember just hitting that the lowest of the low and then you're thinking this isn't me. And I kept telling my husband like, I don't know what's wrong with me. Something's wrong with me. And he just kept looking at me like, his eyes wide open. Like, I don't know what to do. Just do what you need to do. I don't know what to do. Uh huh. And so it was just little things after I've really had healed myself, I started coming across a lot of interesting work from a doctor in Australia, Dr. Oscar Sarahlack who specialized in what he termed postnatal depletion and I heard him on a podcast, I think it was the group podcast talking about this thing that he's been studying postnatal depletion. And he's talking about it and I'm going Oh, my goodness, this was actually my experience. And I had never heard of it at the time but it was his process that he talks about for helping mothers is very similar that the process that I took myself through, starting with kind of repleting the mother of all the nutrients that were missing around, that can be seen birth, early motherhood and but OK, so now we're onto something. Right? Yeah.
So and it goes back to that the energy but I came across his work and started realizing that it wasn't necessarily the postpartum depression that I was experiencing. for lack of better words, wasn't my fault, my body and my mind and my everything was set up perfectly to have compromised mental health state because my body was depleted. So I got really passionate about how to actually replete the body postpartum and help women with that too, which is where the Ghana energy piece comes in. So I started finding out more like little facts, like the mother during the last few weeks of pregnancy, there's nine grams of fat that goes to the baby every single day from the mother. And then we're over there, like, Oh, my brain, I can't think I'm going crazy. Well, our brains are primarily made of fat in our babies for taking that fat to help their own development. And then if you're breastfeeding, more of that fat is going to the baby and no one's telling the mother to eat a lot of fat. So there was like, oh okay I wasn't crazy, this is actually a real thing. And focusing on trying to figure out how to really help people from that standpoint of just getting their building blocks back together and their body first before postpartum depression is even on the table as a discussion. And which is sad, because I work with a lot of women who like go into their appointments with their doctors and say 'Oh I'm a little bit off and then they walk out with a birth control prescription and antidepressant and the right "Okay see you later" and then they're living their motherhood experience numbed. And that breaks my heart and no one ever had the conversation with them to eat more fat and protein, take some vitamin. Here's why you feeling this way? Here's why you don't like your husband right now. Nobody's having that conversation and so we're all feeling like What's wrong with me? I'm depressed. Do I not enjoy my kids? Because I don't love this, like Do I suck as a mother? I mean, I kept telling my mom, like I'm a terrible Mom, I'm the worst mom and she's like, 'Oh stop saying that stop saying that, you're going to manifest that?
You just don't have, I mean, we don't have the reference point for it because we don't talk about these things. And so when it's happening to you, you're thinking like what the heck. If I were a good mom, then I would be enjoying this, and I would be good at it and my baby would be happy. And all of these things that we really don't have any control over because it is such a learning curve. And so when we experience it, it's just also confusing for us. And like you said about all the little things that we don't know, they're not part of the lexicon, when we're talking about these things. And they are so important to know. The impact our, our messages that we get from our culture are directly opposite of those things, like eating more fat? Well, the message is get your body back, go on a diet. And we're doing the opposite, because that's what their culture tells us to do. And it's just kind of working against us.
And then you're praised for, for being an exhausted mom, it's like, exhausted moms wear this badge of honor of like, 'oh but I'm exhausted. And that's become this norm but it shouldn't be the norm. And there are other cultures that value helping the mother, re-energize after having babies and ours does not, it's a competition of who is unchanged by motherhood, that really is a competition. And I fell into that big time, especially with some of my friends who don't have kids or really career oriented. And we're kind of looking at me as an example of whether or not they wanted to have children, to see what happened to me. I remember when before my first daughter was born, I had a fellow winemaker friend look at me, and she's like, I don't know if I want to have kids. I mean, I look at you and you had to quit your job. And it was like, I'm eight and a half months pregnant. I really wish she didn’t just said that.But because we don't have a culture around talking about these things. all these all of us women are left to to individually try to navigate modern motherhood or what it means to be a woman in our society, what it means to be a mother in our society and we're all trying to figure it out by looking at other women. And that has honestly turned into judgment and shaming, which is really frustrating for me. And I remember with my super sensitive sleeper people would make comments like, I don't know why you don't just sleep train them if you're exhausted, it's like I tried it doesn't work. Or there's just like, there's so much judgment and shame being passed on between mothers and really what it all comes down to is everyone's kind of insecure, and we're all just trying to figure it out. And you have no idea what to do and what's normal, and we're just trying to find that normal, but it's not there.
And so what the work of what I do and other women like me is we're basically there as a woman who's gone through it before and can normalize what the mother is going through, and then help her grow into her role as a mom the way she wants to. So that always starts, for me by rebuilding the energy, the physical energy first. Because we really can't do anything unless our physical body is strong. And then from there, we can go in and do the deep energetic work of trying to break through, different limiting beliefs and things that we should, we don't need to feel bad about either because these are embedded beliefs that come from generations of women who've had a similar experience of kind of burnout and not knowing how to speak up to their needs and motherhood. And it also comes from a culture that's telling us we shouldn't be changed by our motherhood experience. And so there's a lot of kind of deep beliefs to work through once we get the mama back wit physical energy.
So what are your top tips for physical energy? What should we be prioritizing to get that physical energy back and then we can talk a bit about the other?
Well, with physical energy it a little bit, kind of depends on what stage you are postpartum. If its immediate-immediate, or if you're just still tired in motherhood, a year two or 10 years later. But my biggest tips number one are to get regular sleep. And so coming from an area Vedic perspective, in my yoga training, and I'm actually in the middle of a areavedic postpartum doula training as well but there's optimum hours for sleep every day, that is to be in bed by 10 o'clock at night, between the hours of 10PM and 6AM. And that goes with kind of the natural circadian rhythm. If we stay up past 10 o'clock at night, and our brains automatically go into a different energy mode, which is called Pitta and that is a fiery energy, it's the energy we use to be productive. So that energy is supposed to be used while we're sleeping, to have deep REM sleep and have vivid dreams and all these things. But if we stay up past 10PM, our brains kick back into productivity mode, which is why we often can't get to sleep until like one or two in the morning, stayed at past 10. So my number one thing is sleep and to get to bed earlier than you think when I was at the peak of my journey, when I had really crashed, my health practitioner told me to be in bed at eight o'clock every night, which was really hard, because it was the summertime. It was like bright, sunny outside, and I'm lying in bed, like I'm just doing what she's telling me to do, right. So get to bed early ad then from there, it's to really put a lot of healthy fats into the body. And the fats are something that our bodies cannot generate on their own, we have to consume them from high quality fat sources. And then some of the number one sources of those fats, which are DAJ and EPA fats are going to be a fish sources. I actually take a supplement and the bottle says like, take one capsule and I take like four. So it's like 1200 milligrams a day of high quality sardine based fat, wow. But you can also get those through avocados and healthy oils, like avocado oil and olive oils and nuts and things. But really to focus on taking a supplement, so you can gear that reserve back has been depleted. And unless you intentionally put that back into your diet, you're not going to build those back on your own. If you look at every single cell in our body has a double layer of fat around it, and we need to repeat the fat. And a lot of times people will crave fat, and then they'll reach for like lower quality fats, french fries, fried food, like that. And then your body's going to get replaced the fat with the poor quality, and then that's going to create toxins in the body, that's going to make you more sluggish and have less energy, right? So we really want to focus on sleep high quality fats and and then the next one is going to be protein for optimum brain function and also rebuilding the tissues in the body that have been what's the word I'm looking for? stretched out? What is that word, but yeah, the body needs to be the body and the brain need protein, my cat somehow found a way back in.
So and from there, we want to focus on what are called complete proteins. So there's incomplete proteins and complete proteins. And the complete proteins have all nine essential amino acids in them that our bodies cannot produce. So it's a quick shot at giving your body the building blocks that it needs to repair and also helps with neurotransmitters in the brain function. So those are really the top three tips from there. And then of course, there's so many other things to do, I find that those are actually really easy to add into a lifestyle. And then from there, I try to work with moms and we'll come up with things together that it's like 'Okay, well, what's your life actually like? And what is going to be some of the easiest ways for you to incorporate more energy building practices'. So we know about to sleep the fat and the protein but if we want to take it the next level and add in things like mindfulness or meditation, what does that look like for you, what's achievable? If we want to add an exercise, we need to look at the kind of the on the scale of depletion from just tired to all the way burnt out, we need to see where the mother is at. Because if you're all the way burned out, you should not be doing any high intensity workouts, hot yoga is anything that's going to deplete the body further. We need to focus more on like slow walks in nature or things that are really nourishing. So that's really, it's so individualized for each person what their body needs. And then it's a constant check in of how did that work for you? How did that make you feel? Okay, maybe we just want to go for one job this week and then too long walks in nature and trying to figure out how to actually make the mom feel good. And you get to this point where you realize that every single thing you're doing, every relationship you have, everything you're doing everything you commit to, is either giving you energy or taking it away. So we want to get to this place where the mother can really discern for herself what those things are. And then over time, you get more and more empowered to make decisions based off what's going to make you feel good and less of feeling obligated to do things. It's like, yes, very protective over your energy, because it's hard to get it back.
I love that all of this is for us to build ourselves up. Instead of punishing ourselves. So often we talked about diet and exercise and sleep and all of these kind of things as Oh, I gotta do this or I was air quotes bad over the weekend and ate all these treats, so now I have to run or I have to do this or to do that. And that's not what these things should be about, these should be life giving, they should be building us up and helping us to feel good, rather than something that we have to get through to check something off with a list.
Yes, I agree and I always tell everybody that I work with them not going to tell you what not to do. I'm going to give you tools to incorporate into your life. So we're going to add more in, for example, if you start eating more healthy fat, your brain is going to be functioning better, your body is going to be function better, and you're not going to be reaching for those sugary granola bars and carbs because your body doesn't need it. So instead of saying like cut out the carbs, it's going to be more like, hey let's add in the stuff that's nourishing you and adding to you and then just naturally those other things are going to fall off the table. And that's part of us coming into a vibrational state that's higher and higher as we begin to heal and come into who we are on this journey as spiritual beings to. And that's really where the empowerment comes in is really learning how to work with your own body, in your own mind to bring yourself into that equilibrium and constantly bringing the needle back to the center. Right?
Yeah, yeah, I think that's a really just compassionate perspective that we can course correct along the way. And we don't have to get anything perfect right now. And it's just a matter of figuring out that equilibrium. I love that.
Yes, and one of the things that's been really helpful for me, I have a free download on my website, that is to help moms and maximize their energy with the lunar cycles and the seasons. And so on top of doing things that are physically energizing, I also want all women to understand that we as women have a unique energy system that correlates more with the moon and the seasons of the earth. Whereas with men, they operate more on a linear energy so they just kind of every day, they have the same amount of energy. Of course, they might be more tired one day if they stayed up late or went out drinking or whatever but overall, the throughout the month, and throughout the year, the energy is steady. For women, we have different weeks out of every month that are more optimum for different activities. And so if we can tap into that knowledge, we understand that, I know for me when I was healing energetically. In the beginning, I was crashing every day, I could barely keep my eyes open, I was passing out on the couch at like two o'clock in the afternoon and it was really that's hormones for you, that's hyperthyroidism which is a whole different conversation. But I would have a couple days where I would feel really good and then I would do too many things. And then I would crash and burn for like the next week straight. And I'm like, I thought I was getting better why do I feel worse now. And it wasn't until I really started living by a weekly energy basis to understand that, oh I naturally have more energy for one to two weeks a month and I naturally have less energy for one to two weeks a month. And there's actually a beauty and a reasoning behind that for our energy cycles as women to ebb and flow. And so when we can tap into that as knowledge and also see it as our power to know like, Oh I'm going to have that week, I know I'm going to have a lot of energy, I'm going to schedule my meetings, and maybe that's the day that I go to the big shopping trip to get all the groceries, etc. And then just know that other week, I know that I'm going to be very tired, and I need more time to rest and go for walks instead of push myself etc. So when we can combine the the physical healing With this knowledge, this ancient wisdom of how our energy really is optimized, then we can really come into our own and feel good kind of every step of the way and not beat ourselves up when we're tired or were we need to rest we actually have a guidance system for showing us what we need to do on a weekly basis.
I think that's such a great insight and something so important for us to know about ourselves. I've never really thought about it that way. But just to know, and to expect that there is this ebb and flow, I think that's perfect. Does that kind of correspond always with the lunar cycle? Or is it with your menstrual cycle? Or are those kind of lined up for you now?
Yeah, well, actually, the more that I worked with the moon, I actually have my menstrual cycle synced up with the moon and that is really great. So the more you honor the cycle, the more you will come into alignment with the moon. If you are a menstruating woman that is not on hormonal birth control, then you want to follow your menstrual cycle. And if you are on hormonal birth control are not menstruating, maybe you're breastfeeding, maybe you've gone through menopause, then you want to follow more closely the actual lunar cycle. So it's different for every woman. And but it's really fascinating the times of the month that correlate with the menstrual cycles. So for example, today is the full moon and it's the oscillation time in the menstrual cycle. So I'm and I'm synced up with that some women bleed during the full moon. So you just kind of need to know how you think. But because it's the full moon and because I'm oscillating, and I'm in that stage, I've got energy, there's more light in the sky at night and I have more energy do things naturally, the energy has been building up to this point and then after the full moon that's going to start to wane, the physical moon wanes smaller and smaller, we see the light in the sky. And that mirrors our energy slowly and slowly diminishing and telling us that we need to rest during the time of the new moon so that we have more energy for the coming month. So it's really a beautiful cycle that you can tap into and like I said, every woman's cycle is unique but that's a good place to start. And sometimes I have a call coming up with somebody where I'm going to help her really dive into how to maximize the moon cycle for herself. And that's something that I help women with too, because sometimes you just need someone to bounce the ideas off of and get some confirmation for what your own intuition is already telling you. Right? Yeah, sometimes you just need to talk it out to know yeah oh, yeah I already know this.
Every woman knows. And that's the whole point of mama manifest is that we are sovereign beings, we have this in wisdom and all we need to do is let it come forth but that knowing that sense of knowing and embodiment cannot come forth unless our physical bodies feel good and unless we have allowed ourselves to really recognize that we have that wisdom. So it's really a beautiful thing when we can allow for that to happen.
Yeah. Well, I have just enjoyed talking with you so much. I can just listen to you all day. You're very wise. You're so wise and knowledgeable and you just have a great calming presence about you. So I'm really glad that you and I connected.
Me too. I can talk about these topics all day long. I think there's a reason that we've been called yourself with this podcast and myself doing this work. There's a collective of women that have been coming forward to do the sacred work of helping moms, helping women in general, feel empowered and feel good. So I can talk about it all day long. We can have another session. Sounds good. Another phone call? Let's do it.
Well, do you have any last words of encouragement before we go? Anything you'd like to tell moms who are listening?
Yeah, I think the most important thing is to cut out the noise and start diving into what really feels good for you as an individual. And then what feels best for your family. And just really starting to own that this experience the motherhood experience, it's a gift, we've earned it, we're worthy of enjoying it, our children chose us. And we therefore are the best mothers for our children. And if anyone wants to download the free, the free beyond my website that matches the lunar cycles with the maximizing our energy that is found at www.mamamanifest.com/lunarenergy, and you can find it there.
All right. Well, thank you so much. It's been so great to talk to you.
You too. Thanks for having me.
As always, I hope this podcast brightens your day gives you some actionable takeaways and helps you feel a part of this best Sisterhood of motherhood. Please remember not to use this podcast or any other as a substitute for medical advice. If you're struggling in any way, please call your doctor. And if you feel like you just can't call your doctor if it's too much. Then tell your partner your mom or your best friend how you're feeling and have them help you call your doctor. You are surrounded by love and we want to support you in your journey to feeling better so you can shine your beautiful light even more fully into the world. Even on your darkest day you matter and you make this world a more beautiful and more compassionate place. You all of you, even the struggling part of you are a gift to this world. I hope you have a great week.